So, as most of us are aware, Topic of ‘Self Identity’ has become a rather hot potato in the mainstream media lately. The Question of whether any individual may Self Identify as any particular Gender and whether everyone else should have accept their Self Identity. On the One hand, we have some who say a person’s choice of Gender Identity should be respected. On the other side, we have Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERF’s) who claim that ‘Self Identity’ is an Invasion of Women’s Rights and a ploy to undermine feminism and make a mockery of Womanhood.
This has been a hot topic since the get go and has since proved to be an extremely volatile subject, bringing with it, a whole lot of a lot of anger, frustration, Ego, hypocrisy and hatred being thrown by both extremities of the equation. For this very reason, like most, I have always tread carefully around the subject. But l have a few things to say on the whole thing and so I’m gonna do my best to do so whilst navigating this topical minefield to the best of my discretion.
Is Self Identity a Good Thing?
I’m sure i’m not alone when it comes to watching or reading statements made on the topic of self identity that strikes nerves and sparks fury, frustration and even anger at some of the things said that we may feel are wrong and maybe even ludicrous, hateful, nasty, deluded and what not. In fact, the whole thing seems to have turned into a whole load of people venting their grievances into the whole debate and adding to the chaotic discord.
So, i’m gonna try my best not to do that and keep a level head as I share with you my own point of view with a hope that it may help people come to a better understanding of the whole debate and perhaps even adopt a better reasoning to the question which I shall endeavour to Answer here.
What is Self Identity?
So, the whole concept of Self identity allows any Individual to Identify in the Gender that they feel best attuned to. It was encouraged and endorsed specifically for Trans People who were either going through HRT and Full Transition.
Or perhaps weren’t fully transitioning but perhaps felt that they should be but for their own reasons decided not to but still live in the Gender Role that they felt they should be. Not necessarily of the gender assigned to them at birth, which as scientific discovery shows, is not always the same as the Sex, which is determined by the genitalia.
From Society Self Identity expects a level of Tolerance from Everyone. Whether it be in the home, the Street, the workplace or even in the School, we should respect each individual’s choice of Identity. Either address people with their chosen pronouns or don’t use any at all.
For the Individual
This allows Trans people to be able to get on with their lives. It lets them settle into their gender role whilst getting on with life without any legal say so. They don’t have to wait years, even decades to get a little bit of paper that says they are now a Woman or Man respectively. Transition in itself is no easy thing to do.
For most people, it’s probably the toughest thing their body has ever gone through. Nobody deserves to have their lives made harder just because of \a simple formality. Sadly though, this is the case and many do struggle. But where we can find a solution for these hardships, then that is surely a good thing.
For the Others
Not only does it make life that little bit easier for Trans people already following their chosen paths as their true selves, but also makes life much easier for those who may feel they are born in the wrong body, sometimes from an early age but still live in the role they are expected to live according to their supposed gender that they have been since birth.
For the many
Moreover, it’s also a step in the right direction for society. We still live in a society that has been far too judgemental for far too long. But things don’t just change overnight with the wave of a magic wand. They take time to change little by little. But all those little things add up and we can see a lot of them adding up whe we see people learning to tolerate one another more, regardless of whether they share the same beliefs or opinions. That is a step in the rig direction for humanity.
What It’s done for me
From my own experience, I had to wait for almost Two and a half years just to get my First appointment at the Gender clinic. It took a few months beyond that to finally get started on Estrogen and a further Six months to get my First testosterone blocker. Although the last bit was my own choice.
I did have the option of starting the blocker at the same time but chose to get stable on the Estrogen First. But thats another story. My point is, it took a long time and will take another Few years before my Transition is complete enough to be deemed ‘Woman enough’ to get a Gender Recognition Certificate.
The Idea of having to have waited all this time and still have potentially years of waiting ahead before I acn get on with my life as a woman doesnt even bear thinking about. But I ca only imagine my life would be severely unpleasant. Having to live like that is never a good thing for anyone.
It’s Tough Enough Transitioning
Since I came out and Started Transition, living in my Self identified gender role of a woman and later going through all the fun that HRT brings (No Kids! I was being sarcastic. Its NOT FUN) , I’ve never felt so content in my own self direction if not yet fully in my body. But it hasn’t been an easy ride by any means. Especially since starting HRT when things get a little more emotional.
Sometimes if I’m having a rough patch and feeling particularly low in confidence due to feeling more dysphoria than other times. I’ll eventually get it together and go to the shops and some store assistant will call me ‘Sir’ and it sets me right back as it hits my Self Confidence like a ton of bricks.
Other times, I may be feeling great and on a role of feeling confident in myself and then get misgendered and it knocks you straight into the Pits of despair. It doesn’t make me question who I am but sometimes makes you wonder if you’ll ever ‘pass’. It can make me feel like my whole transition so far is just a joke because I’m too old to transition and I’ll always just look like a man. Along with every other doubt my over-active brain starts thinking of as my self esteem goes down the drain and I have to start building it up again after the dust settles from the fall and crash.
I Still Feel Lucky really
But in fairness, the vast majority of the time, people \are pretty decent and will either address me as Miss, she, her or ‘the woman’, etc. Or, if using these pronoun bothers them enough, they just wont gender me at all which is cool and easy for everyone. I dread to think how much more i’d struggle with getting by day to day if I was being misgendered all day long, every day of the week. That’s only my situation. But I’m self employed and work from home. How much harder must it be for Trans people who need to take it all day long in their workplace?
A Safer Society
To be able to walk down the street and go about your day without intimidation and fear for their safety and lives is a right everyone has. Nobody should have to put up and endure persecution because of their Gender, Race, choice of clothes they wear or pronouns they choose to use. When I was still at high school in the early 1990’s, this was completely unheard of.
Anyone at our school who was even effeminate in any way got a hard time. If you were Gay, you’d get terrorised and being ‘Transgender’ wasn’t even anything that most people had even heard of. Except perhaps from the mainstream media in a degrading and mocking portrayal.
What it is NOT
Observing the discord around this topic, I feel there’s a lot of misguided confusion. From this there stems a lot of fear. I hear or read opinions from both sides and continuously hear misinformation. Of course, there is a lot of deliberate misinformation being put out by people who are just Anti-trans. But I think there’s a lot of people either just reiterating what they hear others say, or they’re just babbling conjecture.
So, I thought I’d highlight a few misconceptions that I hear around the topic of Self Identity and what it means, etc. Self Identity is not;
Always Your Bag
Before anything else, you have to remember One thing especially. You dont have to like it. Just as you dont need to agree with someone’s opinion to accept it. Whether or not you particularly agree with someone’s choice of Identity doesn’t determine whether or not you respect it. We all have things we may dislike in others. Or ways and views we disagree with. But we grant each other a degree of respect that gives us all peace to live our own lives.
Nobody says that your mindset of how you see a person has to change. Nobody says you even have to keep your own opinion to yourself. But if you do share your grievance, it is important to also do so with a degree of respect. You may have a friend or a loved One whom you have concern for and feel that they are wrong.
A Conspiracy by Men
There appears to be rumours circulating that the whole Trans issue is a conspiracy hatched by men for control. As an Individual Transsexual women, I find it tough enough just getting by from day to day. I honestly have neither extra time nor energy to be running any plans to conquer the world. Nor do I generally conspire with men.
Change of Who You are
So, just because someone who is in Transition may change their name to align better with your Gender role in which you live, it doesn’t mean it changes them as a person or changes who they are. At least not in an immediate sense anyway. It simply means that we are just living a more honest and realistic life as who we really are.
Although, i must say that it can change who you are in that in my own experience, it has made me a much happier and content person than i was when i was living a False life in a gender role I was expected to live in. So I guess it can change a person to a degree in that sense. A change for the better.
Choice of Gender
Now, I think this one is an Important point to highlight. For it is perhaps the biggest misinterpretation of self Identity. So, I shall state it clear . YOU CANNOT CHOOSE YOUR GENDER. I think the sooner people Truly understand this and its implications, the sooner we can move forward.
A game
The ability to self Identify and go about our lives without the added hardship of formalities holding us back is a very important thing for genuine Trans Women. Many people who are not Trans or are not affected by these issues think them Trivial. Many people still think being Trans is just a game. But it isnt. It’s very real and can be tough too. Especially when your existence is being constantly denied or threatened.
Trend or club
Transitioning isn’t something you do for popularity. If you are, then youre doing it for the wrong reasons. But, It is true that teenagers are particularly Impressionable. To me, this just screams out all the more reason we need more Gender clinics and better availability to professional help for youngsters. For ALL Trans people. But for youngsters especially. We Need them now. Today! In fact, Yesterday. Seriously. We need better healthcare and access to professional help.
A key to Excluded Places
Again, I’m not gonna sit here and naively declare that some people dont exploit certain liberties. It doesn’t matter what the situation, there is usually always abuse of some sort. But we dont build systems based on dishonesty. We build them based on honesty. Its the only way we can build anything.
But really though, when it comes to entering Women’s spaces, for me personally, Self Identity Law has a very low priority in my actions. When I’m at the mall and I need to use the toilet, I have to decide whether to use the Women’s toilets or the Disabled toilet. I wont use a male toilet for my own health. But of all the hundreds of times that I’ve had to make that decision, not once has it been influenced by Laws. But is influenced mainly by my own confidence level and a respect for others women are using them.
There are also many barriers that lie between myself and how I am right now and being a Women’s team Olympic Gold Medal Winner. Trans women who DO in medals in the Olympics have also had to put a lot of effort into them being good at that sport, regardless of gender.
An Obligation of Respect
As with any things like this, Self Identity demands a level of respect. Not just respecting peoples choice of Identity. But also respecting the whole thing in general. It relies a great deal on trust and when things get continuously abused or misused, sadly they often get taken away. Perhaps a rightful correction of abuse by some, but a sad loss for the genuine people who don’t abuse it but rely on it.
It’s like the honesty box you get in villages or wherever. Little tables at the side of the road perhaps by someone’s garden. Upon the table will be some home made Jam, or Soap, etc. Beside it will be a little honesty box or Jar, into which customers are expected to deposit payment for the goods they help themselves to from the table. Of course, people could quite easily abuse that. But most people don’t because its a good thing and doing so would make you a cunt because it ruins it for the people who are honest enough not to abuse it.
Don’t Take the Piss
So, when it comes to Self Identity, the Universal Law applies. Don’t kick the arse out of it and take the piss. It only ruins it for those who need it and makes peoples lives harder. It only gives the Trans Haters ammunition to throw at us. If you are a genuine trans person, only you will know if you are, then Identify as you will.
This means that anyone can abuse it. But you are a Cunt if you do. So, its quite simple. Dont be a cunt. Don’t take the Piss. I’m not qualified to say who is or who isn’t a genuine Trans person and who isn’t. In most cases only the Individual themselves know and so we respect their claim. Mutual respect is a sacred thing built on Trust. Only an asshole would want to break that trust between others.
Don’t be a Bully
We live in a volatile time where many people like to exercise their new found Say. Many seemed to have found an escape in their portrayal of having some profound sense of Civic duty to provide the people with ‘the Truth’. With profound sense of self righteous indignancy I’ll often see or hear people gloat. Feeling the need to point out to Trans people that they are not the gender they Identify as.
Being Misgendered sucks. If you know that but continue to do so, then its no less than just being a bully. Being a bully isn’t cool. Nobody likes a Bully. So dont do it. There’s no need for it. So you may not like using their preferred pronouns? Fine. Dont use any pronouns. Its not that hard. . Dont be an asshole. Simples.
So, Is Self Identity a Good Thing?
So when it comes to a categorical Binary answer, I would have to say Yes – Self Identity IS a good thing. Certainly on the bigger picture and in the long Term. I think anything that helps us move forward and evolve as a human race is a good thing. It has to be. It doesn’t always have to be music to our ears. But if it’s progressive for the greater good, then it’s good.
The fact that youngsters can be themselves has to be a good thing. I just feel its a shame its taken til now for us to learn tolerance. We are still coming out the back end of an grossly Intolerant society and tradition. But we are truly living in a revolutionary time indeed. By the powers of Technology, we are now able to communicate with One another. That has worked wonders in helping our progression.
Instead of having to rely on the word of politicians, religious leader or Media journalists, we can look for ourselves. People are starting to put their heads together and search for solutions that make room for everyone in a world where we can all live our lives peacefully, healthily and safe. Letting people self identify and respecting their Identity is a step towards achieving that world. That’s a Good Thing.
But It Can Be Abused
‘But what about the ones who aren’t Genuine?’ I hear some say.’ It can be abused’
Of Course it can. Just like anything. People abuse the benefits system. But we dont pull the plug on the entire Welfare State. Moreover, what about the numerous amounts of abusers who fiddle the Tax man? I dont see anyone rushing to abolish Taxes.
As I said earlier, we can only create a system based on honesty. We cant allow abuse to dictate how we operate. Otherwise we wouldn’t operate. Likewise, we cant let a few bad apples stop human progression. Nor can we let Thousands of peoples day to day lives made harder just because a few people may not like the fact not like the Idea of Trans women using the same public toilets as them based on a few potential hypothetically potential. few abusers.
Time to Work Together
The sad thing i see with the whole debate is the level of hatred being levelled on all sides. It’s a shame. It really is. I see so much strong energy coming from strong indeed individuals who could achieve so much better collectively were they not wasting it by fighting amongst themselves.
If you are Involved in a confrontation concerning Gender Politics, Stop. Take a Deep Breath. Let the emotions calm and use the thinking head. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. We are being played off against each other. Both sides seem to be condemning the Patriarchal System. Yet both sides seem to be going hard at turning its wheels.
Without meaning to sound like a stereotypical gobshite, its the age old Divide and Rule. Dont fall for it. We have enough shit to contend with as a whole when it comes to ensuring that Women get a fair go. We dont need to make it any harder for ourselves by bickering. It’s people of already marginalised groups started standing together instead of fighting each other.
