My First Anniversary of Coming out as Trans – One Year in

Good morning everyone and welcome to the weekend. I hope your week has been a productive one. Today I thought I’d write a marker post article as today is my One year anniversary of coming out as Trans to my friends and family. So I figured I’d give you a little update of how the past year has been living freely as my true gender.

My First Anniversary of coming out as Trans

Well, I have to say, It has been an interesting past year since I came out as Transgender and started presenting as a woman full time in day to day life. This was something that I did straight away as soon as I realized myself that I was Trans. Since then, the past year has certainly had its ups, downs and learning curves. But I must say that I feel far more confident with myself than I was a year ago today.

Coming out as Trans

In the time leading up to me realizing that I am Transgender, my life seemed like it was falling apart. But I didn’t know why. I guess I was trying my best to live up to the masculine roll that I have been since I was a child. For years I was able to pull this off without even realizing myself that it was false. So I always kinda presented as a quite masculine man. I’ve always been quite private with my feelings, so to anyone looking on, they’d have probably figured I was comfortable enough as a male.

But a lot of things were happening which challenged my masculinity and I was seriously feeling inadequate as a male. For a few years, I didn’t realize this and was just feeling inadequate as a human being. So much so that I was seriously suicidal and in some aspects, perhaps even homicidal. At the time, I felt like I completely detested the world. But really, I was just frustrated and it was only once I acknowledged the fact that I am really a woman that things began to fall into place and I could begin to understand why I was so frustrated.

So by the time I came to the realization that i was transgender, I knew I had already wasted enough time in my life being unhappy. There was no way I was gonna let anybody hold me back a day further. Not even my closest family.

Telling my Parents

I realized quickly that my greatest fear of coming out would be telling my parents as there was a good chance that they’d never speak to me again, and although they haven’t openly disowned me, they’ve barely spoken to me since I called that night and told my mother that i am Transgender and that I would be pursuing HRT and surgery.

When I told my mother, she said that she thought I was wrong and that I’m not really Trans. Like I’m just going through some crazy phase. That I’m mad. I told her that I was sure. But I haven’t labored the issue as I know she is in a sticky situation. Being the self righteous type of Christians they are, they have boxed themselves into a corner that doesn’t allow them to have tolerance. See, they have spent years telling the rest of the world how wrong they are, that they now need to defend their beliefs and keep their shoes shone bright for fear of being called a hypocrite. To admit that they might be wrong would be to admit that the past 30 years of their life has been a waste.

Friends and Acquaintances

Once I had told my parents, everything else didn’t bother me and I didn’t spend another single day dressed in men’s rags, but started living as a woman straight away. It was quite tense to begin with though as I had no idea how all my friends, neighbors, collages and so on would take me. Although I had confidence that my good friends would accept me as they have indeed done and for that I am very grateful. Often they will still dead name me, but most have the decency to correct themselves when they do which is nice.

Finding my Feet

When I first came out, I was still very much buzzing for a while and the more people I told, the more liberated I felt. So my spirits were quite high for a few months and I was full of every enthusiasm for transitioning and it felt really great for a while.

Voice Feminization

I have to admit, I was cringing at first at my voice and really started to hate the sound of it. So much so that I stopped playing the guitar and singing for about Six months because I knew that singing in a strong masculine voice was only going to hold me back from adapting my voice to sound more feminine.

I didn’t start off trying to sound feminine because I knew that if i was to fake it, I would only sound like a fool and so I decided that I would let it adapt gradually and naturally. Although sometimes I find myself needing to check myself for not pushing my voice enough in that direction. But soon enough, it began to soften and is a lot softer today than it was a year ago.

However, although i know that i have made progress, I don’t feel that I’ve made as much as i perhaps should have done by now and this is definitely a resolution for the year ahead. Having said that though, it has been a busy year with little private time to practice voice feminization therapy.

But I try my best to just push it a little more feminine each time I speak. This is much easier when I’m conscious of it. But all too often, especially when I’m around people i know and have known for a long time, I can find myself blathering away in my habitually masculine voice. When i become conscious of this it usually makes me feel bad about myself but i keep telling myself that i will get there eventually.

Getting Dressed

I have chatted with other Transgender women who before coming out would secretly cross-dress. So, when coming out, it was a case of going from dressing femininely part time to full time. However, i didn’t do that, so i had to start completely from scratch. But the local charity shops are amazingly cheap for clothes and this gave me a great opportunity not only to stock up on clothing, but also to try out different styles. I did this for a little while. But I soon found the style that I feel most comfortable with. Having been a punk all of my adult life, it didn’t seem like me to start dressing completely trendy. So I found that keeping the same punky style only with a feminine touch seemed to fit me perfectly and is how i usually dress nowadays. I must admit though, I really do love wearing animal print and mesh clothing.

Making up

A year ago today, I hadn’t a clue about makeup and thought it only consisted of foundation and eye shadow. So I had to wonder why I looked like a panda the first time i tried applying makeup to my face.

But fortunately, thanks to YouTube, there are hundreds of makeup tutorials available online and I was pretty quick at learning. Mind you, I had to learn quick. It was either that or go out looking like a clown.

No half measures. I would always be fully made up before setting foot outdoors and still am.

Settling in

By the time the summer came around, I was quite accustomed to dressing feminine and putting makeup on every day. I had been for a couple of Electrolysis sessions to try and get rid of my facial hair. However, I had to put this on hold as I would be working away in a field at festivals for the coming few months and I also found it horrible having to let my facial hair grow in for a full month til i could afford another session.

So i decided to wait until I can pay for a full course in one go then try and get it done as quickly as possible so that I don’t need to walk around like the bearded lady for weeks between appointments.

Going to Work

I really have to admit that I found working this festival season very hard. On the upside, it was lovely to be able to get a nice warm shower most nights. But usually it was too awkward to put my makeup on and more practical to wear my boys shorts and baggy T Shirts whilst working. So I spent a lot of the time feeling uncomfortably masculine. I did manage to cope with this for the best part although there was a couple of occasions where I’d have a complete meltdown and hide away in my tent.

I’m hoping that next season, I will be back driving again and have a comfortable caravan to stay in instead of a cramped uncomfortable tent. But it was really good to be out in the field amongst friends and long term colleagues who were very accepting and supportive.

For crying out loud

I have always been an emotional person. But since an early age, I learned not to cry and at the beginning of this year, i hadn’t cried for almost 30 years. I instead would channel my sadness into anger and it would manifest itself in ugly aggressive ways and I used to hate myself for it. When I come to the actualization of being trans, this made so much sense and I no longer hate myself for that. Instead i decided to embrace it, and back in January, I finally managed to bring myself to cry. Out came a tear then another. Then the whole waterworks started to flow and i cried my little eyes out for about an hour. But the feeling i got afterwards was so healthy. So now when i feel sad, I try and let myself cry. I have found that this has made me feel so much less aggressive or has at least contributed to it.

Moving on

I’m now going into my Second year of my Transition and although I have been registered at the Gender Clinic, I still expect it to be another couple of years before i even get seen by a consultant let alone get hormones and surgery. But I have a lot still that i can work on myself as i still have a long way to go. But at least now i know that im on the right path and can see my progress coming along nicely.

Where to live?

I could really be doing with a change of scenery as I live currently in the area that i grew up in and am surrounded by familiarity which i find often holds me back. However, I’m still as yet undecided where i want to live. I had hoped when i gave my last flat up at the beginning of the festie season that by autumn time, i would have something sorted out. But I’m still clueless of where i wanting to stay and currently living in the same time at a friends at the moment. I guess its a safer feeling to stay put when you’re unsure.

I do like the countryside but i feel that i could get to more support groups and have a better social life if i lived in the city. So keep thinking of moving into Glasgow. I’d like to stay in Scotland as the Scottish government has some really good positive things going on and makes it a good place to stay if you are Transgender. But as far as living in the city goes, I could get the same benefits by having a car and living out in the quiet countryside. But we shall see.

I have recently been thinking of trying to find a flat share with other Trans people as i think this could be a good support to me as i could be to others. But like I said, I’m still completely undecided and its doing my head in to be honest.

Career Opportunities

Since starting my transition, I have been giving serious thought to finding a new career. Laying bricks and block was okay as a boy, but I don’t want to be getting my hands constantly scuffed by manual labour. So I have recently been considering doing jobs that I would have never even considered before. Maybe go to college and learn makeup would be good.

As a boy at school, options like these were unheard of and I went for the manly jobs and became a builder. But i hated it. I enjoyed doing the work but its a shit environment bulging with testosterone and macho men all trying to show who’s hardest. Even long before I knew I was trans, I could never bebothered with this. That’s why I’ve hardly done it for years.

But now is a new chapter and i now have dozens of options available that I’d have never thought a possibility before. So this is something else I have to look forward to over the next year.

Looking Forward

So, all in all, I’m quite happy with my progress so far. I know I have a lot of things to work on still but that all makes the challenge better for the coming year and I hope to be much further on in my transition this time next year.

I have to admit though, it would be nice to think that one day, my parents will accept me as their daughter. But looking at things realistically, I don’t think that’s ever likely to happen. But they haven’t disowned me and still talk to me even if it is by my deadname. So its not all bad.

Well, that’s pretty much about the height of my first year of transitioning. If you are also transitioning, I’d love to hear how your experience has been so far. Please do feel free to tell us in the comments section below. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading my story. You can get more updates as they come quite easily by joining my VIP list in the link below. It’s completely free and will bring you all my latest updates and recent features, articles and material here at karalyne.com.

Have a lovely day y’all !

Karalyne

xxx

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