Well, I had a bit of a long lie today and ended up missing a good part of the day. But I still felt brilliant when I got up and got a glance of myself in the mirror. “Wow!” I thought “What a Hot Feminine Body I have” I reminded myself. This was by no means a new discovery, as I’ve always known I have a very sexy feminine body. But it was still great to see and remind myself that I still have a great figure. But unfortunately this moment of Gender Euphoria was brought down to earth by that haunting shadow of facial hair. Yuck!
I Cant Stand Facial Hair
Even before I come to realise that I was Transgender, I was experiencing a growing uncomfortably with having facial hair. The fact that it has been gradually getting more grey over the past couple of years has probably had a contributing part in this cringeworthy appearance of the stubble I had for so many years with no problem.
However, since accepting to myself that I am Transgender, as well as coming out to friends and Family as such, my consciousness of this facial hair has become increasingly noticeable to me and particularly disgusting. But today was the worst I’ve felt this Dystopia so far.
My History of Facial Hair
When I was in my teens and starting to develop a bit of bum fluff on my chin, I was always desperate for it to grow thicker so that I would look more of a man, or at least what I had in my own mind of what a man SHOULD look like. Looking back now, I can understand that this was because I didn’t actually feel very manlike and felt it to be my own weakness and failure.
So, the first bit of bum fluff I had, I was out with the razor and shaving. The adults around me at the time used to warn me not to shave if I don’t have to because all this will do is encourage it to come back much quicker as you will be making it thicker and stronger.
Instead of taking heed of this warning and slowing down, I actually took it as words of hope and started shaving as regular as I could in the hope that it would grow quickly thicker. I never wanted a beard but the idea of having thick stubble like I saw the guys much older than myself having.
This to me would make me feel more like a man and less of a weakling. Looking back now, it feels embarrassing actually that I done such ludicrous things just to make myself look more “Manly” to fit in and feel less inferior to all “mens men” that I grew up around in the ex mining town I was raised in.
Fortunately, I gave up on this foolishness pretty quick and am happy to say that I didn’t develop a 35 year old guys beard overnight at age 15. But Instead I let it grow into a beard.
The Bearded Years
Through my late teens and early to Mid Twenties, I went through a period of gross unhappiness and discontent within myself that I learned to subdue by the use of heroin and Crack Cocaine. So, due to the lifestyle that came with that particular addiction and the laziness and preoccupation with this lifestyle and the drugs, I seemed to always have a beard except for every couple of months (or whenever I’d get a shot of a set of Hair clippers), when i’d shave it down as far as hair clippers would take it.
Fortunately, being naturally fair haired, I was lucky enough to be able to have short stubble on my face after shaving it down that wouldn’t be noticeable for about a week. Only shaving every couple of months with the hair clippers and hardly at all with a razor, this kept my beard from getting too thick.
Trimming it Down
When I finally cleaned my act up and got off the drugs after a near death experience and 6 weeks in hospital when I was 28, I started to shave regularly with an electric razor and only ever shaved with a wet razor for occasions when i had to be clean shaven. But for a good few years I would have stubble and always sported a sorta rugged look. I guess it was a way of compensating for the lack of masculinity inside. Gosh! I feel like such a fool when I look back now. I could really kick myself. But hey! Nothing would be as it is now if it wasn’t for the chain of events that lead us to where we ae now, so no point in crying over what didn’t happen in the past.
Fade to Grey
I’ve always been fair headed and when I was a little boy, I had really Blonde hair. This has darkened a little over the years but has always been pretty much Blonde. But for some unknown reason, my beard was always Red. Until recently when it started turning Grey.
To Start with, it was a couple of little grey hairs about a year ago, but has since progressed into quite a few and has been sore to look at. So over the past year or so, I’ve been shaving regular as I couldn’t bear to see them. But more and more recently, and especially since coming out as Transgender, I cant stand to see them at all and try to eliminate them before they even get to stubble length.
Can’t Stand Shaving
So as a result of this disgusting facial hair, I have now started shaving every day, sometimes even a few times per day. Bt I still really hate the dreaded task of shaving even though I’m much happier once I have done because then theyre gone.
But I’d really like to get Electrosis or Laser removal done on my face. So, this is something I am now looking into but from what I hear, it can be quite expensive and takes a while to work. But certainly worth it in the long run.
Unfortunately for me, as I have fair hair naturally, the Laser removal wont work properly as it doesnt get rid of all the tiny little hairs and pores. So Instead, I shall have to get Electrosis which is something i’m having a look into at the moment. But again, it isnt cheap, so I think it’s llikely to take a while.
But hey, it’s taken me long enough to grow it in, so it’s gonna take a while getting rid of it. But I’ll be so glad when I do as the yucky 5 o’clock shadow is becoming increasingly repulsive to me.
Starting Early
From what I hear from many different people is that it’s best to start the hair removal now and hopefully ave most of it done before you start HRT. Well, from what else I hear, I can expect at let a 3 year wait for an appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) just for my initial appointment to see a Gender Physiatrist before they even consider prescribing me Oestrogen. So I suppose there’s plenty time, but it’s also worth considering that it does take a while to complete the laser removal or Electrosis.
Time to get earning
So, I guess it’s time I put my thinking cap on and start earning some money and save up for the Electrosis Treatment by putting some of my many Talents to work online. So, to get started I have decided to make an Uphatter Page that I can useto collect moneyy from various upcoming content creation and other artisticly wonderful projects that I shall be creating in the near future.
So, Stay tuned!
