Hey everyone! How are you all? Today I thought I’d write a little post about getting Misgendered and how it affects those on the receiving end. Or at least, here’s my own experience anyway.
What does Getting Misgendered Mean?
Being Misgendered is what happens when someone refers to someone else as the wrong gender. This may often happen with Cis men and Women, but is very common with Transgender people. Especially amongst those who are unfortunate enough to have masculine features or voice if they are Male to Female Transgender women or more Feminine in the case of Female to Male Transgender Men.
Deliberate Misgendering
The reason for people doing this can be for different reasons. Unfortunately enough, even today, there are still many bigoted and hateful knuckle draggers around who think its funny to be jack asses by deliberately misgendering you.
I actually had the displeasure of dealing with one such ignoramus just the other day there whilst using the Megabus, a UK based coach run by the bus company Stagecoach. Having being misgendered by the ignorant pig of a driver, I politely asked him if he could not call me “sir”, to which he replied “What am I supposed to call you?”.
Considering the fact that I was wearing feminine clothing and makeup, you would have thought at least that he might have had a notion that I was Transgender. Or if he wasn’t sure, then there was at least a good chance that was the case and so to have left the pronoun out would have been the professional thing to do (although it has to be said that the company are very unprofessional anyway and allow their drivers to act with a completely unprofessional manner and attitude).
Sadly, I doubt my words will have much appeal to those of that nature.
Thoughtless Misgendering
But I think that in many cases, it’s just a case of ignorance. Many people just say “Sir” or “Madam” without giving it much thought. This can often be done innocently such as when you go to the shop and the assistant says “Thank You Sir”.
You know that there was probably no harm meant. Just no thought given. It would be nice that maybe one day, those people might understand the impact of their thoughtlessness.
The way it has affected me
Well, I have to say that it has been quite a summer for being misgendered and although I manage to shrug it off most of the time. It has been taking its toll and i’m starting to feel it affecting me more and more lately.
Sometimes when I get dysphoric and feel a mess because I am self conscious about looking masculine, I just want to avoid people altogether. It usually takes me quite a while in the day to get my self esteem fired up some days just to go to the shop and back.
When somebody misgenders me, it just sets my confidence levels way back and my self esteem drops. Sometimes it can mean nothing at the time. But then as time goes on, it starts getting to me and makes me start to feel horrible and masculine again and just want to avoid human contact sometimes.
Couldn’t people be more respectful?
It would be nice to think that soon enough, people could be a bit more mindful when they are speaking to Transgender individuals. Especially amongst those in public service and shopkeepers. It’s not asking a lot .Even if you are unsure, then it’s better just to say nothing.
For instance, If you happen to see someone who to you looks like a man but is wearing women’s clothing, then the chances are, there is a good [possibility that they are Transgender or Non binary and don’t identify as a male. So when you observe this, yet still proceed to call them “Sir”, then it’s just thoughtless and ignorant.
If you are unsure in any way, what’s wrong with just saying “Thank you” and leave out the pronoun altogether? Like I said, It’s not asking a lot.
Coping with Getting Misgendered
Well, I often like to think that things are changing for the better and I do genuinely believe that with the power of communications today, people are able to become more enlightened to a multitude of things and this can lead to us all understanding each other better.
Yet I do realise that there is still a long way to go and as a Transgender woman, I dont feel at all shocked by it at all. In many ways, sadly I expect it. But I take hope that soon enough society will change for the better and we can learn to live more in harmony with each other by learning how to treat one another with respect.
So I write this article here, not as a rant, but hopefully just something to give people food for thought and if it happens to make one person think about how they use pronouns with people, then I’ll be happy.
What if I accidentally Misgender someone?
Sometimes, no matter how hard people try, there’s always the chance of misgendering someone by accident. Afterall, we all make mistakes.
When this happens, it’s often best to just carry on as normal and address them appropriately next chance you get. Again, if you’re unsure, then dont use the pronoun at all.
Making a fuss over the issue can often cause the person you’re speaking to feel more awkward or embarrassed by the situation
However, personally when referring to others, I find that “They” or “Them” works pretty well with anyone of any gender or non binary identity as it’s pretty much gender neutral.
How about you?
Anyway, I just thought I’d share my own experience on the matter as it has been getting to me quitea bit lately. But like I said at the beginning, this is just my own experience and I’d be keen to hear of yours and how you manage to cope with it.
Please feel free to leave a comment below if you have been or currently are experiencing a similar problem with being misgendered. Or if you prefer, you can email me at Karalyne@karalyne.com.
I hope you enjoyed my little article here today and would just like to remind you that you can keep upto date with all my future articles by grabbing My Newsletter.
I hope you all have a lovely day.
Be back soon!
Karalyne
xxx
